I've received a small bit of feedback on the story, so far. It amounts to:

• The buildup was a little long; too much text before I actually get to the meat of the story.
• One person thought the whole story was a little pedestrian; that the 'twist' as it were wasn't particularly interesting, and that the observation schtick made the reader too detached from the action. In this one I actually disagree (or I've misunderstood the criticism), in the sense that it wasn't my intent for the reader to especially care about what was going on in the window, but to be more interested in how seeing this was affecting Jackson. I may have mishandled this, however. Or maybe I misunderstood the criticism.

That's actually all I've gotten so far. I am interested in other opinions.